Self-Care in the Age of Self-Care

Do I Even Care?

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A Foot in the Sun

During the pandemic, when things seemed to be at their worst, and I was isolated in my studio apartment, the sun was my best friend. I had southern-facing windows, and I watched the sun (not directly) trace a path across the sky. At some point along the way, I drew the cartoon above as both a literal and metaphorical encapsulation of that experience. Yes, I actually soaked up some rays. But emotionally as well, even when I couldn’t completely relax, I managed to get a “foot in the sun.” It wasn’t much, but it was something. And it was warm.

The cartoon (get it here!) captured something in the zeitgeist, and people reached out to tell me how much they appreciated it. My amazing sister even created this!

It all meant so much to be to be able speak to something that people were also experiencing, and I felt a connection. I wasn’t the only one with a foot in the sun.

The Multiverse

As I’ve said plenty of times before, I am no expert about much of anything, but I have navigated the rising tides of self-care. Much has been written about self-care, much will be written, and even more will be edited, rewritten, turned into a movie, rebooted as an HBO series, and reviewed online right back where we all started.

There are self-care guides for teachers, for the summertime, for families. There is self-care you can do for free, for under ten minutes, or with the help of AI. (Yikes?)

You can read about it here, at The New Yorker, by Jordan Kisner, from 2017.

And here at NPR, by By B.A. Parker, Diba Mohtasham, and Leah Donnella, from the podcast Code Switch, (talking about the book: Real Self-Care: Bubble Baths, Cleanses and Crystals Not Included by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin.)

I also just ran across an Instragram post by the cartoonist Sophie Lucido Johnson, who approaches this idea through the concept of “grit.”

It seems like self-care isn’t among us much as we are among it, floating and bobbing in its infinite manifestations. And if everything is self-care, is anything self-care? Oh, how did it come to this!

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Ignorance is Bliss

There was a time when I didn’t know the term “Self-Care.” It’s not that I never took care of myself, I just didn’t know that I was supposed to. So, when I wasn’t taking as good care of myself as I should have, I didn’t feel guilty about it. What I mean is, I felt bad, but I didn’t feel bad about letting myself feel bad. It was one less thing to blame myself about! I was a free spirit, taking care of myself or not, doing it my way.

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Now, life is all about self-care! At work, online, and in podcasts ads, looking out for yourself is all the buzz. And there are so many ways to self-care! Meditation apps, yoga classes, a crossword and coffee at a cafe - how to choose? You can work out, you can run, do pushups at home, breathe, get 10,000 steps, set firm boundaries with friends and families, go to sleep on time, wake up on time, and even eat healthy!

At this point, if you aren’t practicing self-care, well, sure seems like it’s your fault! Don’t have time? Should have made time! Can’t afford both a therapist and a gym membership? Your fault! Would you love to meditate but have three kids? Your fault!

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The burden of happiness is on you now. And I’m all for taking responsibility, self-advocacy, and looking out for yourself, but I’m just saying, somehow, it all seems a bit too much. You know, the economy and state of the world and all that. How do you care for yourself when you don’t have the time or resources to care for yourself? Is there an app for that?

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Give Me a Break While I Take a Break

Still, we find self-care where we can. Maybe that’s what we were always doing, but now we can label it. I’m not taking a day off of work, I’m practicing self-care. I’m not taking a vacation, I’m practicing self-care. I’m not crying in the shower, I’m- well, you get it. Does having the label “self-care” make it easier to practice it? (I don’t know. Have you ever actually tried to take a day off of work and not feel guilty?)

Does saying “I am taking care of myself” while taking care of yourself make it work better? It doesn’t for me. Only when I stop thinking about it does it kinda kick in.

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In no particular order, here are some of my self-care routines:

• Cartooning

• Drinking coffee while cartooning

• Drawing cartoons about coffee

• Running in Central Park while listening to Jack Johnson

• Other assorted exercises involving lifting items almost as heavy as the weight of the world on my shoulders

• Dinner with family and friends

• Dessert with family and friends

• Sleep (this rarely happens)

• Therapy

• Finding new coffee shops to drink coffee, draw cartoons, and draw cartoons about coffee

• Writing (this is new)

• Telling myself that things will be OK

• Breathing slowly (this rarely happens)

• Thinking about coffee and cartoons

• Reading The New Yorker (once I look at all the cartoons)

• And course, a little bit of this…

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Teaching Self-Care Whether They Like it or Not

As a kindergarten teacher, we teach students strategies and provide them tools to read, to write, and to count up and down the number line. We also try to give them tools to navigate frustration, big moments, and sad times. Is it OK to feel upset? What does making a mistake teach us? What is a big problem versus a small problem? How do our decisions affect others? How can we reconnect? How can we feel grateful? How do we eat that apple slice that fell on the floor without the teacher seeing us?

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The New Yorker, November 13, 2020

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It takes oodles of emotional energy for me and my co-teacher to get through the day. And we love it! We are so lucky! And yet, when the afternoon wanes, we step out of our “office” and back into our own lives.

BAM.

The light of the regular adult world blinds me in the face. I just spent all day dealing with block-corner-politics and sand-in-shoes escapades, and now you want me to pay my rent on time? I’d scream into the void if I could afford one, but teacher salary and all.

When others rely on you, for example, my students on me, I try to remind myself that my self-care is their care too. That thought helps, but also, no pressure, Steinberg! Sit and doodle! In through your nose and out through your mouth! It’s two minutes to midnight, time to go to sleep!

Now, imagine being a teacher with your own kids as well. My co-teacher does it - I don’t know how! (I hear being a teacher and a parent is different? Who can weigh in?)

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To sum up, I’m learning about self-care, I’m teaching self-care, I’m struggling with self-care, I’m trying to define self-care, I’m avoiding the label of self-care, and I’m doing it all in the name of self-care. Am I going in a circle or spiraling inwards? Am I swinging on a pendulum that will inevitably swing back the other way with just about equal force? Will I stay up past my bedtime for no good reason to both reward and punish myself? (Yes, I am writing this part past my bedtime. I am both energized and exhausted - which to me goes together like peanut butter & jelly.)

I’m sure that you who are reading this have much to add about your own self-care journey, so please share! When and if I return to this topic, I hope I am wiser, more self-aware, and ready to see it from a new angle. A calm angle. Maybe I’ll even be up to my knee in the sun.

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Thanks for reading, have a great weekend, and take care of yourselves!

-Avi

p.s. relax your jaw.